The People of Lippert-Olson Funeral Home
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Reprinted with permission of the National Funeral Directors
Association,
The Director, NFDA Services Inc.
by
John Canine
The
Grief
Journey
Social and psychological benefits of seeing a
properly prepared body with funeral rituals.
Seeing a properly prepared body with funeral rituals speaks to the needs of individuals by providing psychological and social opportunities for them to work through the grief process.
Psychological Benefits
1. Seeing a properly prepared body with funeral rituals imposes the reality of death on the bereaved. The understandable reluctance of the survivors to accept the loss is confronted by ceremony and burial of the physical body. Viewing the body is the first confirmation of death. Participating in the the memorial services is the next step, and watching the casket lowered into the grave is the final reality that the death has occurred.
Some people are disturbed that funeral directors hold a "viewing" because it causes reactions. However, this confrontation has a necessary purpose in rudely awakening the griever to the finality of the loss. Without the conscious realization that death has actually occurred, especially following an accident or sudden death, the griever becomes susceptible to denial. At the same time, viewing the body allows the griever to solidify the pleasant memories of the deceased's physical wholeness, particularly in cases of bodily disfigurement due to accident or violence.
2. Seeing a properly prepared body with funeral rituals validates and legitimizes the grievers feelings of loss. It offers the bereaved social acceptance and support for their emotional response to death
3. Seeing a properly prepared body with funeral rituals offer survivors an environment conducive to the expression of grief. This gives mourners a public opportunity to act out emotions and behaviors necessary for working through the grief process: for example, confessing wrongdoing, demonstrating love and taking care of unfinished business. All of these can be part of the funeral ritual, as well as talking to the deceased in the casket.
4. Seeing a properly prepared body with funeral rituals rekindles memories of the deceased, a necessary aspect of decathexis, or detachment. Mourners can begin to revisit their involvement with the deceased, a process that is necessary to effectively complete grief. Each story told, each incident remembers and each emotion shared with other assists in the process of decathexis.
5. Seeing a properly prepared body with funeral rituals initiates thoughts about life without the deceased. During the grieving period, the mourner will struggle to find a new relationship with the deceased based on memories of the past. The funeral rituals provide a springboard into this new relationship.
6. Seeing a properly prepared body with funeral rituals allows the opportunity for input from the community, which becomes a living memorial to the deceased and helps the griever form an integrated image of him or her. This is a singular psychological benefit to the mourner; tributes paid to the deceased emphasize the word of the individual and establish that he or she is worthy of pain currently felt by the mourners.
7. The funeral rituals themselves contain many of the elements that constitute psychological therapy. The activities involved in these rituals allow the griever to "act out" feelings of loss and separation. This acting out provides a therapeutic release for the individual's emotions in the form of safe and socially acceptable behaviors.
Social Benefits
1. Seeing a properly prepared body with funeral rituals allows community wide support for the mourners. The community displays its empathy for the mourners, thereby strengthening social support for the individuals.
2. Seeing a properly prepared body with funeral rituals provides social interaction through meaningful, structured activities where the mourner is thrust into a newly defined social role. These activities direct the mourner from dwelling on inner pain to focusing attention outside the self. This is particularly helpful in light of the sociological changes that have reduced the bereavement period in America and removed the special markings that identified the mourners, such as black arm bands or mourning clothes. Since there are no guidelines for how a mourner should behave, the funeral with the prepared body present can provide some structure.
3. Seeing a properly prepared body with funeral rituals assists a bereaved individual in initiating the process of social reintegration. Through its attendance at the funeral, the community opens its arms to offer social support for the griever and extends its concern for the individual's well being. As the griever accepts these comforting actions, a new identity emerges for him or her (e.g., a wife becomes a widow), and a new relationship is established between the griever and the community in which the griever assumes a new social position. The validation of this emerging identity begins during the funeral and is finalized when the body is buried.
4. Seeing a properly prepared body with funeral rituals assists the community in grieving the loss of one of it's members. Just as funeral rituals have therapeutic benefits for the mourner, they also have a purpose in helping the larger community adapt the imprint death leaves on society. The community also must deal with its grief.
5. Seeing a properly prepared body with funeral rituals validates the continuity of life when, following the death and final commitment the society lives on and continues to move forward. Evidence of this fact can be seen all around us. When national celebrities die, society mourns the loss and then resumes its normal activities. When a Rabbi dies, the congregation bands together to find a new spiritual leader. When a Little League player dies as a result of a car accident, the team goes on to play. The funeral, while it honors the dead, is a testimony to the living.
6. Seeing a properly prepared body with funeral rituals is a reminder to society that every individual will dies some day, and participation in funerary rituals repeatedly confirms one's future mortality. In the meantime, each member of society becomes a vehicle of anticipatory grief, the accumulation of which impacts the community through the participation in the funeral rites of its members.
7. Seeing a properly prepared body with funeral rituals serves as a channel through which the community communicates its belief system regarding life and death. The rites of passage provide an occasion for society to demonstrate its values and underlying beliefs.
Grief research pioneers including Sigmund Freud, Erich Lindemann, Colin Murry Parkes, John Bowlby, J. William Worden and Therese Rando, have validated the importance of a surviving family member or friend seeing the properly prepared body in the "dead state". Pair that with meaningful rituals, and it is a significant beginning for an appropriate grief journey. But it is up to the funeral professional to "educate" family and friends, and in essence, get the work out.
Dr. John Canine is president of Maxiumum Living Consultants Inc., Clarkston, Michigan.